He has been: Healer ( Spiritual/Faith)
- E.O.
- Jan 25, 2020
- 4 min read
"Break up your unplowed ground and do not sow among thorns. Circumcise yourselves to the Lord, circumcise your hearts, you men of Judah and people of Jerusalem...." (Jeremiah 4:3-4a)
"Sow for yourselves righteousness, reap the fruit of unfailing love, and break up your unplowed ground; for it is time to seek the Lord, until he comes and showers righteousness on you." (Hosea 10:12)
Transitioning out of college life into my first year post grad life has been a whirlwind. It went from a season of constantly being busy, being around people, serving, meeting up, etc. to now a season that seems like I am doing almost nothing. With some wrestling and praying with God, I think I am starting to really enjoy this slow pace of life.
I always thought this year would be marked with me doing a lot for God, but it constantly seems like God is just having me sit, rest, and learn how to just be. To sum up the past 4 months after moving home and closing up the busyness of Grad school apps, a lot of what God has been teaching me is to truly rest and understand who I am in Christ- identity.
I didn't know this before, but a lot of my college ministry and my faith in general was marked by a subtle struggle of constantly feeling that I needed to prove myself. Whether it be making sure I say the right things or doing all the disciplines. I was constantly chasing the approval of man rather than understanding I am enough through Christ. It wasn't until I heard this sermon where I soon began to realize how deep my identity was rooted in the approval of people rather than God.
Check out the link to the sermon: http://lwccla.org/resources_layouts/sermon-detail/sunday-service-october-27-2019 This sermon shaped my perspective and changed my whole view on the gospel and just how important it is for me to not only know that I am saved by grace, but am able to " do this Christian life" by walking in the same grace.
But even understanding this grace with my mind, I kept feeling like I wasn't doing enough for God. I just felt this constant tug of needing to do rather being. But over and over again, I kept hearing this common theme of rest. But it won't be an idle type of rest, but more so this active rest like a farmer would do during the 7th year of growing on the land. In Exodus, God commanded for every farmer to rest their land after 6 years in order for the land to fallow. And initially I didn't get it, but it makes sense. So, when the land was being fallowed, the land was technically "resting" but during this time, farmers would be preparing the land by digging up weeds and preparing the land to sow more seeds. In that same way, I have seen God uproot so many insecurities, fears, past sins and have seen the process of allowing God's word to replace those voids.
Uprooting the weeds in my heart in order to restore my heart with planting his word there.
Honestly, although there is much to praise God for in this transition, it has been hard to be still. It has been hard seeing my fear of rejection, understanding how unworthy I feel, insecurities, this feeling of constantly falling short, unbelief in God's promises, unbelief in God's goodness, and even unbelief in His care has been hard to swallow. It's hard to face the realities and short comings of my own heart. Coming out of college, I thought I was strong in my faith, but the reality is that there is still so much more. Although difficult, it is an explainable joy to continue to seek a deeper intimacy with Christ. Thankfully, I have older sisters and have even sought a Christian counselor that are continuing to help me walk through it and point me to the love and grace won by Christ. So as of right now, I am trying to make time to sit in solitude with God ( basically just sit silently), learning to cast every burden on Christ, and learning how to wait and trust without knowing how God is going to use this year.
He is healing and restoring all the places in my heart that I have so easily ignored and passed over. This season that seems all too slow has become the perfect season to sit and wait in my mess and relearn how to believe that Christ is enough and that He truly does love and care for me. my hope is that this year would be marked with a deeper faith and understanding in who God is and how God sees me- free of any shame and guilt and lie.
" 8 For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, 9 not a result of works, so that no one may boast. " ( Eph 2: 8-9)
Here are some sermons that have really shaped this season so far! - Understanding the care of God: http://lwccla.org/resources_layouts/sermon-detail/sunday-service-january-19-2020
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