Loving Someone You Don’t Like

This week at work, it was unusually challenging. Unlike the rest, my temper was short-fused, interacting with customers just felt off. As usual, I would blame mother nature’s monthly gift or just not working out that day, or even using my lack of time in the word. And most times it is one of the three, but this time was different and I couldn’t put my finger on it until a specific work interaction occurred.

Let me give you a brief background, basically work politics is a thing, something I never really experienced until working here. I loved and still love my coworkers which is actually a first, it’s not the usual small talk about weather ( those convos literally kill me inside- like yes I know the weather is hot) but management at this hotel has been working through some kinks. But anyways, it came down to learning that my favorite Food and Beverage Manager who truly cared about each of the employees in addition doing her job plus more (doing the work on the floor, payroll, inventory, etc) decided to step down and put her two week notice. And that made everyone pretty sad and then there was talk about who was going to replace her. And low and behold it was the head chef.

It’s been a few days since this was fresh, so if I was blogging about this, I think it would have been pretty explicit. But because I see God’s grace and care for even him, details will be short. Basically there has been a consistent pattern of treating people the way he feels, if he feels like a good mood then he’ll be nice, if he feeling a bit stressed or upset, he’ll make it known. And yes as a head chef you need to command the scene and make sure everything is in order and I honestly respect the way he can do that. But there are times where it seems like if he doesn’t like you or is neutral about you, he can speak or maybe even yell in a condescending way. And if it’s not that, a lot of times he just constantly asks for praise “ this good huh? This is good huh? You like what I do? “ And to be blunt, at times he can be one way in front of guests and then just treat you another. So basically these things about him really made me upset that he might take over and I didn’t realize that reality really made me bitter and not want to be around him and in turn threw me off at work. After realizing this, it made me really step back and have to admit that yes 1. I actually don’t like the guy 2. So how do I love him, forgive him ( in my own heart so I don’t have bitterness) and show grace to look past the flaws that I actually like to hold again.

Some may say that it’s not a big deal, but snatching this has many implications as a witness among my coworkers and my interactionS with the head chef himself.

So the core question: How do you love someone you don’t necessarily like?

In short, without God and the gospel you can’t.

One my coworkers actually pointed out how easy it is to allow our impression of a person would dictate how we view them. If we don’t like them, we are quick to point out their flaws and their bad days and even expect them to be that way all the time. In the same way, if we like someone, we may expect all good days. But let’s be real, we are all human and all have bad days. But I found myself to be quick to be critical and not be gracious. And if I were honest with myself, I was okay with it. My bitterness kept feeding itself towards the head chef.

On a side note, I wonder how nonchristians view this. And why is it impossible to love someone you don’t like? I think it’s because like me, it is really easy for me to do what the guy says but do it with grumbling and complaining inside, it’s easy for me to display a certain level of kindness but inside what to punch him in the face. But the Bible love is not one that tolerates on the basis of obligation and grumbles on the side, but it is a kind of love that sacrifices and lays down their life for another. So tell me how you do that if it weren’t for the gospel?

Impossible without the gospel.

It revealed my finiteness to love without the love of Christ. I had my own standard to love people, as if you made the cut then you deserve my love. If not, well sucks because it takes a lot for me to not like you. At least I thought my capacity to love, and even that is by the grace of God, was high.

But a limited love is not the gospel love.

Philipians 2: 3-8

“Do nothing fromselfish ambition orconceit, but inhumility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of youlook not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.5 Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was inthe form of God, did not count equality with Goda thing to be grasped, butemptied himself, by taking the form of aservant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself bybecoming obedient to the point of death,even death on a cross.”

Undeserved love and grace was and still is the very thing that we as Christians live by, how can we not give that freely?

Ephesians 2: 1-5

And you weredead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work inthe sons of disobedience—among whom we all once lived inthe passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, andwere by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But God, beingrich in mercy,because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses,made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved—“

By grace I have been saved. Do I like this guy? If I were looking to my standard and thought I was any better, I would say no. But when I truly, truly step back and find the own log in my eye and find that the same pride I am so quick to call out in him is the same pride that lies in me. By the grace of God the process to love him is one that is constantly fixing my eyes on the cross that I never asked for but was given. Of all people, a random little girl adopted from China, not raised as a strong Christian- of all people I have been given grace. So why withhold it ? If anything, it’s the people that we think least deserve it are probably the people that need it the most.

So there are days where I do have to pray... a lot! But I’ve found that praying for him has been helpful and seeing that he is loved by God and created by God puts it in perspective. I don’t grovel at his feet and praise him when he asks, but I have been trying to anticipate his needs, doing what he asks ( it’s like the bond servant obeying his master- realizing I do not serve man, but my obedience comes from a place knowing it honors Christ), and that is the power of the gospel to change hearts. I am confident that without the Holy Spirit, I would not muster anything within myself to love him. As dramatic as it is, I feel like we all have that one person that is hard to love because there is something about that person that just triggers us in one way or another. I pray that the fixation of the gospel would move your love to do powerful things for the sake of our witness as image bearers of God.

For his name’s sake and his glory alone.