Mexico Missions: Pillar of Cloud and Fire

One of the bigger decisions I've been thinking about is the upcoming Mexico Missions trip with Living Way. It's a short trip partnering with YUGO ministries going to Mexico to help a family in need and build a house for them. The family or a member in it is usually tied to a local church there. It is something I was open to, but never strongly considered. On the outside, it is a seemingly small decision: to go or not to go. But God.... Lol always But God! It's so interesting to see how God has led me to the decision to go and comes down to this idea that: God doesn't really need me ( or any of us) to do His will, big or small- yet He chooses me, a sinner undeserving of mercy, and has challenged my mind and heart to trust His leading/provision.

1. Is it worth?

So I heard about this trip about a month or so ago. And tbh I wasn't super drawn to it. If anything it was one of those things where I was like...hmm I am young (LOL), I am able, I got time before grad school. "But is it worth? " was the question that came to mind. When I heard about the money we each had to raise for supplies to build the house/ fund it, how there would be minimal EV opportunities ( maybe some informal), it was mostly just building a home for a family in need with the church body. And a lot of people talked about how a lot of the blessings would come from the community built. And being new that was pretty attractive, but did I need to go build a house to do that? After going to Japan ( in college, felt pretty called to go and felt God moving in my heart), I realized I didn't feel "called' to go to Mexico and I personally see missions not as an event but a daily calling. So I didn't think much of the trip, just felt open to it.

2.Encouragement + Barriers

So as I began to pray about it and think about, I didn't think much of it . But I was open enough to ask people about it and go to the meeting.Many people encouraged me to go from my DC and I wasn't surprised. I thought it was just something my DC would do because some went before and others are very missionally minded. I brushed it off. But there was something inside of me that kept finding myself saying " I'm open, but idk". Then I brought it up to my parents and they were uncertain about it and not really on board. It seemed like money/time/safety were all issues (understandably as parents it makes sense). So i was like, well, parents aren't down, so I guess this is a no go. And I didn't want to bring it up again because who wants to rock a boat that seems pretty calm.

3. God's will triumphs

So after seeing my parents reaction and even going through a week of doubt and just seeing the $$ needed, I was just like nah it's not gonna happen.

But God is greater than my doubt, my mom's willingness, and learning to believe that He will provide the funds. So on the day of the Mexico Missions meeting, I was still unsure about going. I didn't want to dishonor my parents and wasn't sure if this was a practical way of using my time etc. And then this random girl from church, Alice, walks up to me and told me that as she was praying about Mexico that my name came up and she just wanted to encourage me to go. And i was like.. okay so this is not just a person in my DC, but someone completely random I don't talk to. Felt like affirmation but there were two conditions that I needed God to fight for: my parents' openness and my own heart.

He did that in one day LOL

A) My parents, but mostly my mom's heart:

Randomly the next morning after the morning, my mom texted me, asking why I donated a certain amount of money to Living Way and she specifically asked if it was because of the missions trip. And in my mind I was like... "uhoh this is coming up way too soon. I'm not ready." In that moment, my hope is that I would be bold, but also respectful and honor her decision. I talked about how I promised to tithe 10% of everything I made because giving was a struggle in college. And then she went began talking about money again and questioned why I could spend money going to Mexico, but not help pay for our family trip to Seattle. But her logic made sense? Like how could I go to the Seattle trip for free, while I'm not paying for rent or food etc. and spend money on another one. And to be honest, it if was me in college, I would start putting up a fight and questioning her, but I think the Holy Spirit gave me the wisdom to understand her perspective. So I was like...okay fair enough and agreed to pay for my airfare and hotel portion.

By God's grace, I didn't have any negative feelings of bitterness or anger,but just agreed because I could see her logic. And just like that, I asked her that night if I could go to Mexico. And rather than being against the idea, she was open and said it is my money and I can spend it as I want. And at this point, I wasn't sure if I should or would go, but it made me see that even in this, the cost of obedience is still real. It might not come in the form of persecution, but I could see that in the midst of obedience to what I could see God obviously leading me into, it came at a cost financially in order to get my mom on board.

B) My own heart- Now that my mom was open, I had to really understand why I wanted to go. Other than it feels like God has been using many people, even random people to nudge me, I still couldn't bring myself to go. But at the same time I was still open? Was being free and available a solid enough reason to go? Or because I felt like God was leading me?

Then when I was reading Numbers, ( LOL who gets revelation from the OT right!? ) Number 9:15-23 where it talked about the cloud and the fire and how it represented God’s presence at tabernacle. Or God’s heart to dwell with them. And it was just this constant theme of when the cloud moves, the people moved. When the fire stayed, the people camped. It could be days, months, years but when the presence of God moved, the people moved. And I was like huh.. Interesting… that’s super cool. “ At the command of the LORD they camped, and at the command of the LORD they set out. They kept the charge of the LORD at the command of the LORD by Moses” ( v23). And in that moment it just made sense. I might not know why God may be leading me in taking a step of faith that is uncomfortable and something seems impractical in my own eyes, but it’s like…. At the command of the lord they camped and at the command of the lord they set out. I might not know what God has in store, but it comes down to trusting God and in the joy of walking by faith, not by sight. I expectantly await the way God will use this trip. It might not even be that big or it might awesome… who knows! I don’t, but it’s a joy walking and praying through this and just seeing God break down external barriers and my heart of unbelief.

In conclusion, I think it's pretty clear that going is where God is leading. And I don't believe it's out of " God needs me" because our God does not need me, but seems like an opportunity to step into a deeper trust and greater anticipation despite uncertainties. May all the glory, honor, and fruit that is produced from this trip ( whatever it may be) be given to God and God alone.

Will keep the blog updated on the Mexico trip/fundraising/etc.