PT School Expectations

Yo.

It is exactly three weeks before I begin my three year journey towards a Doctor of Physical Therapy at Azusa Pacific University ( APU).

Kinda nice, rolls off the tongue. It's been something I think I've been aiming towards, first as an idol, but now as an avenue to honor God with the gifts, skills, and opportunities ever since my senior year of high school. I feel like it was always something I knew I wanted to do, but wasn't solidified until my aide experience in college. But nonetheless I guess I always expected this to be something super exciting and something I would be eager to jump into.

But I think the reality that I am hit with is fear, anxiety, uncertainty. At least the initial wall I've ran into so far. I mean like many people, because of COVID things like extremely different and almost disappointing in my opinion. I am kinda disappointed that it won't be in person well partially, that everyone has to wear masks and cover up, people won't be able to hang out and study together without fear of contracting COVID, etc. AND yet even with this concoction of feelings, I truly believe God is still sovereign and is able to make something that seems so hopeless and even something that I can rob my joy, I hope to enter this new season with faith over fear and joy over anxiety.

Expectations:

1. School is going to be hard to transition into with time

I mean come on, I used to wake up at 6am and not I have been sleeping in until 8am. Which doesn't seem like sleeping in but In college I would basically be done with working out, devotionals, and breakfast by 745am to get to class by 8. And it begins again but this time instead of 3 hours of class everyday, I am now approaching the full-time hours of class everyday except for Tuesdays, those are short and nice and will probably consumed with studying. I think this is the one thing that actually gripped my heart with anxiety. I think the fear of learning how to manage my time and energy and learning how to transition into this new season is daunting. It's not a matter of if I can do it, but more of how I can transition efficiently and get back into the study mode. It's been 2 years since I've memorized and read anything besides the Bible. It's intimidating to learn how to balance church, meet ups, living at home on top of that because my parents for sure will be questioning my judgement as to why I would ever spend any time outside of studying to x,y, and z. But hopefully we will be able to talk about it and they'll be supportive and has out even what it looks like in the home.

2. FOMO: Will I make friends?

Honestly this is such a high school feeling, but let's be real- first day of school knowing like 3 people is still scary for me. I think because it is online and because COVID still is a thing, I am kind of concerned how study groups will look, how am I going to be included and make solid relationships especially with my parents being more strict. Obviously this shows an idol in my own heart, a constant one that I struggle with- being accepted and included. But I have been constantly reminded that my prayer should not be to be included and accepted, although that is nice. But it is to gain a perspective that I am here because God has a purpose for me to give, serve, and love my classmates, not use them to fill a void I can only find in God to satisfy. I think God has also sent people in my life to reassure me that it will all workout even in the midst of COVID.

3. I will enjoy a schedule and studying again

So as those were Debbie downers and my pessimistic taking over, I am actually super stoked to be using my time for learning. I actually miss those days of studying hard and working out and balancing all these things. As scared as I am about failing, I am excited to dive right in. I feel like I sound confused, but it's a mixture of both emotions! I hope that two years of not studying will allow me not to burn out but have the energy and the drive to study.

However this year will turn out, I think God keeps reminding me that if He got me here, He will sustain me in it as well. Not to say that it won't be hard, it won't taxing, and be another way for God to sanctify me and make me more like Jesus or reveal things about me that aren't like Jesus. But I don't know I just feel like even writing this now, God has brought me to a place to be more at peace with everything and not to worry too much about the details. I realized that I am going into PT school and that is a gift from above in it of itself. And I think there is a decision to be made, it's choosing joy over anxiety, faith over fear. Because I'll be going through school one way or another and I feel like it's a mix between the power of the Holy Spirit that guides me and the active meditation on God's word and promises that will continue to keep my mind on things above. So it's not just God doing work but also an active meditation on His word to shape and tap into God's power. So definitely not as scared and anxious as I was before, but hoping that God will supernaturally grant me an ability to enjoy school and roll with the punches, struggles. Because I am confident that this gap year has been one of equipping me and being ready for whatever God has in store with a heart of thankfulness and not grumbling, whether it be the good works He prepared beforehand ( Eph 2:10) or the trials I face which are temporary ( at least I will tell myself that).

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." ( Phil 4:8)