Random 3 things ( 10/1/20)

3 things have been on my heart this week. 

1. How do I embrace community without being so self-fish?

2. How to love the season of singleness and to love well in it?

3. How to see that work and the details of how I work ( not just the work in it of itself) has eternal value? 

It’s almost been a week but GOd has been so good! I think this has been a week that has challenged me and also where God really led me into some cool things , really cool things. 

I think so i remember going to church and just feeling super awkward because I couldn’t really talk these two girls. I knew them, I served with them at one point, but it was just  no one wanted to talk or if they did, it was about things I couldn’t relate to. It’s not their fault, it was just being in the awkward in between friends but not really friends, but I know you sort of friends. And it just made me feel so insecure and so unloved, yet God in the midst of that day allowed me to just grow closer to another coworker. But anyways this week was good because God challenged me just with 1 Corinthians 12-13. 

When I saw our small group was going to 30 people, I freaked out. Especially after that one day on Sunday when I just felt so awkward and so uncomfortable around people I haven’t gotten to know, i was intimidated by such a large group. I was tempted almost to go to South Pasadena instead but as I sat on it God brought me to 3 majors questions/ 

1. How do I embrace community without being so self-fish ( Because at the core of it , insecurities is kind of wanting to fill in my case, acceptance with man’s praise and thoughts of me rather than God’s- it’s an identity thing. So God led me to 1 Corinthians 12, that I am chosen, I am a member of the body that God has in the fullness of his wisdom made. Just like the body, which I nerded out with my small group, the muscle can’t work without the bones and the bones can’t be held together without the joints and they can’t be connected without the ligaments, the Bible is so logical in showing that you need the body and every part of the body at that. It can’t just deemed some more than others but it’s even the seemingly lesser parts are needed.

2. How to love the season of singleness and to love well in it! So I have had these great desires to date and to have kids and urgh just the idea of being in a relationship sounds so nice. And not going to lie, I put a specific person’s face and it changes from time to time. But it is especially worse after a hallmark move because you just think up some crazy ,but kind of cute, scenarios. Like oh what if I met him on my trip to Tahoe and then we met up at some really hipster, small town coffee shop and then we clicked and BOOM there it is. But as i thought about it, relationships = complicated. You get those great Instagram photos but at the same time , loving a sinner is so hard. And that’s what I read 1 Corinthians 13, am I loving well in the season of singleness? And for the most part yes, but I do find myself seeing that Oh maybe replying faster to texts because I tend to get lazy or even reaching out and checking up on people, I could do more and the Bible calls us to not grow weary in doing good. So that is something I am looking towards to pursue the more excellent way, to pursue love above all else. 

3. And third and lastly, God has challenged me in seeing work ( as he has again and again) having eternal value. 

Last sermon (https://youtu.be/PsObqEuMyP8) P. James talked about predestination and how it is under the sovereignty of God. And yes that challenged me, but what challenged me the most was how even in light of all of it, God still calls us to share the gospel. And really that was a reset for me. I think these past few months of being discontent and then just being indifferent etc, it wasn’t that I wasn’t reading the Bible or praying, I was doing that, but I think purpose became very passive. I was going to work without eternity at hand or at the forefront of my mind. So God began to remind me like, even when no one is looking, hold myself accountable for paying for the things that I eat ( because it’s easy to get by with sneaking free food- I love free food and sadly, but truly I was knowing for being a free-loader LOL not the best name). But yeah even paying for the small things because I understand that people see me and it has eternal way in some capacity . Not saying that God could save someone through it, but He could and He can. My witness doesn’t just end with sharing the gospel, but it’s caring about even the details of how I honor God because He is also in the details. Like do you care about details as much as He does? And that’s not saying, you need to earn his approval and acceptance through it, no that is not true. His love for you has remained the same since the beginning of time. But what I am challenged by, is understanding that God has power even to work salvation for someone by them watching the details of your life. Live a life above reproach. But those are the three challenges God has given me this week and it has been a joy to walk into them by His grace.