Running the Race

The half marathon experience. 1.21.2024.

Yesterday, was my second half marathon that I've ran and it was a great run until it wasn't. Before I go into the reflection (bc I'm feeling led to share this more publicly, I'll try to keep it short). Last half marathon was probably the hardest thing I did last year. I definitely didn't train (4 weeks max), got maybe 1.5 hours of sleep, and I definitely cramped up by like mile 8 and had these deep and debilitating cramps where I was walking across that finish line . People were screaming "keep running, you're almost there", I literally could not or I would collapse. But a finish is a finish.

SO, I decided that I wanted to sign up for another half with the ONLY goal in mind - finish without cramping and finish strong. I trained for like 3 months this time with bumping my midweek mileage up and my long weekend runs up to 10 miles and it felt GOOD! I was feeling confident and excited to crush it this time. I signed up for the Rose bowl half thinking that feeling of "crushing it" would carry over into "crushing it" in my PT boards which is literally TOMORROW ! INSANE! I thought I was setting myself up with this coolest situation - "challenge myself for a physical long run prior to the mental long haul of a the test. Once I kill this run, I'll kill this test".

But boy was I humbled. The night before the rose bow half, I couldn't sleep more than 2.5 hours. I tossed and turned, anxiously awaiting the day. To my surprise, I was feeling good by mile 6 and 7- it felt like my training was paying off. But then.... the twitch of the R calf began at mile 8. My brain quickly knew what was coming, so i told myself, walk more and drink more liquids, it's okay! SO i did and it felt like that strategy was working,I even desperately ate some pretzels (like bruh, solids will not help that quickly, but desperate situation calls for desperate measures, but it was until mile 10 or 11 . My calves (YES BOTH OF THEM) cramped! I literally fell to the ground and could not move, it sucked and it was the moment where I was beginning to feel that disappointment. But thankfully 2 girls and this one guy helped me and encouraged me, but even as I tried to stand up, my quads went out and I ended up needing to be carefully guarded by a medic team to their golf cart and then the Medic tent (imagine for the PTs, the way you guard your patients- i was the patient!). But all that to say, while it was awesome meeting people and really trying to find God in the situation, I ended up just feeling like I failed. thankfully, with much rest and electrolytes, I was able to walk without cramping and push myself to a short jog at the finish line and finish. And like everyone who has encouraged me and now being in a place of not freaking out, a finish is a finish and that in it of itself is an accomplishment.

But when I got to church, i was trying to hold my head up high and feel better about the situation. But somehow this idea of working hard for the race and not finishing the way I wanted triggered these deep seeded fears of having the same happening to my boards. There are only a few times that I can count on my hand where I broke down in church and people could tell - like y'all they be making jokes about an allergic reaction or tears ( SIR YOU KNOW THESE ARE TEARS)! It was funny, I needed it to lighten the mood. But anyways, I digress. I think the "failure" of the marathon, really struck deeply because lately, I've been telling people if I fail, I'd just work at target and I would glorify God either way, pass or fail. But after this experience, it was a reality check that, if I failed, it would be probably one of the hardest things to choose to praise God in and something I would need an extra measure of grace and comfort in order to do it. SO WHAT'S the main takeaway? I thought this race was going to show me that effort = results and that I would pass my boards confidently with that wave of confidence from the race. And when that didn't happen, it destroyed me because of the fear of failing my boards. But instead of feeling like I can rely on my efforts and hard work (which I can say, I have been studying hard and it's not that you can only rely on God without it- that's not the point), it's more so, I have put in the hard work, but ultimately, I am in a place of dependency going into this test because the reality is, I just don't know if I will or will not pass. The hope is to pass right? But I think I'm thankful that this race taught me that God is ultimately sovereign and that it is He I depend on more than relying purely on my efforts alone for this test. And man, what a good God we can trust.

Please pray for me and my classmates, y'all it's been a journey and somehow feels like all 3 years are riding on this. But we have worked hard and studied and praying that God would be gracious in allowing us to pass!

Here are some pictures from the race, including the group I ran with and when I got a cramp and how I desperately ate pretzels to save my legs - it indeed did not save my legs!

Lol mile 5 bathroom break (it was kinda nasty)