Seek the Kingdom First

It’s been about a week or so since interviewing for my first placement of residency and let me tell you, the anxiousness and worry has been building. I find myself intently observing how people’s body language in class could indicate or cue whether or not they got a spot and quickly looked to myself and have reoccurring thoughts- “maybe I didn’t get in because I am not enough”, “what did I not do that I could do for next time” etc. And just experiencing a lot of disappointment and discouragement, even seeing the next interview as negative when the reality, the next interview is another interview. Like hello! But I told some friends and a mentor-like figure and I really appreciated what she texted me.

“Anxiousness is normal during these things! Just gotta pray in moments where the anxiety rushes in. Remember that Gods spirit dwells IN YOU. Literally he’s with you all the time and ministering to you every moment. He’s walking with you in this just pray before him 🩷”

And that gave me peace. And even a moment to see how much of my internal dialogue has really been an unending train of thoughts that revolve around 1. I am not enough 2. What can I control? 3. Why is church not this way, why am I not in a relationship, why can’t I get a residency (3 major areas of discontentment) - and all of them add to this ringing theme of: how am I making much of myself in all these areas or how can I use these things to make much of myself, not God.

And as I began to repent, I found myself feeling a lot of shame and guilt for seeking these things for my own benefit or to be an avenue to prove myself as worthy or valuable or mattering. But I think what I was reminded of was 2 things

1. There is much love and grace that is abundantly mine already. If God had chosen to love you since the beginning of the earth, even before the foundations of the earth, there is this guarantee that a misplaced gaze on idols will not take away from that. And I think I find that I tend to get really ashamed when I don’t get it the first time, but realistically the reason Jesus chose to die was because like the Israelites, we will constantly be failing, but the hope is that the work that was required has already been completed by Christ. And in that we can have freedom and rest from proving and doing.

“For by grace you have been through faith. And this is not your doing; it is a gift from God, not a result of works, so no one may boast. For we are HIS workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them”

• You have been saved though faith period. It is a statement that we tend to use a comma instead because we feel this need to add to it, but it’s by faith, period.

• The reason it’s not from works is so we don’t boast and gain glory, yet in our sinful nature, we want to boast.

• Nothing new but our purpose is for good works that have been already set and ready and all we need to do is walk. I think something new is the pacing in which we do God’s work, similar to Sunny’s text, it’s not rushed and it’s WITH God - it’s at his pace, not our own.

2. Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

I think I’ve read this passage (Matthew 6) a lot of times, but something I never noticed was how Jesus streamlined this section of his sermon.

1. He addresses all the spiritual disciplines (Giving, Prayer, Fasting)

2. In this streamline he has this repetitive word = Reward. The emphasis on if you seek the praise from man as your reward, that is all you’re going to get. But if you seek the reward from God, it is eternal and of much more value.

3. Then I think it’s cool because he goes from reward, reward, reward to treasure. Interesting transition, not super seamless in my opinion. BUT I think treasures , like rewards are all things that we also seek. In addition to the praise of man, we tend to need things and as Jesus says, he knows we need these things. So it’s not a terrible thing to want or desire in general, if anything it’s in our nature as humans to need and seek these things.

4. But I think what is emphasized is not only the hierarchy in which we desire things (heavenly versus earthly things) or even in which the attitude in which we seek these things (not anxious). But I think the key to this passage is V21. Which has never been a verse I would ever cling to, but I think I would argue it’s now the most important and vital part to it.

“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also”

And this is nothing new, especially if you have been going to Livingway and have watched the intro video but at the end it says “ he is treasure”. But I think for me, it’s kind of changing my prayer. I think I used to be like Lord, help me not seek the praise of man, help me not to be anxious, help me seek your kingdom first, and while those prayers are good and necessary- I think I am challenged to pray for the heart of hearts in this passage and that is, to make God my treasure. Like remind me of God’s character in psalm 145 because if my heart doesn’t know the character of my God then yeah, why would I want to trust him with my future and his provision and seek his glory. It's until my heart truly understands the depths of who He is and my purpose through and for Him when I will be able to see the fruit the comes from in awe and worship of Him.

Side note: Podcast that really encapsulates Women and work and follows the same themes sent from one of my best friends https://spotify.link/Lkyx7uaOfDb (The Daily Grace podcast)

Psalm 145 1 I will extol you, my God and King, and bless your name forever and ever. 2 Every day I will bless you and praise your name forever and ever. 3 Great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised, and his greatness is unsearchable.

4 One generation shall commend your works to another, and shall declare your mighty acts. 5 On the glorious splendor of your majesty, and on your wondrous works, I will meditate. 6 They shall speak of the might of your awesome deeds, and I will declare your greatness. 7 They shall pour forth the fame of your abundant goodness and shall sing aloud of your righteousness.

8 The Lord is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. 9 The Lord is good to all, and his mercy is over all that he has made.

10 All your works shall give thanks to you, O Lord, and all your saints shall bless you! 11 They shall speak of the glory of your kingdom and tell of your power, 12 to make known to the children of man your[b] mighty deeds, and the glorious splendor of your kingdom. 13 Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and your dominion endures throughout all generations.

[The Lord is faithful in all his words and kind in all his works.][c] 14 The Lord upholds all who are falling and raises up all who are bowed down. 15 The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food in due season. 16 You open your hand; you satisfy the desire of every living thing. 17 The Lord is righteous in all his ways and kind in all his works. 18 The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. 19 He fulfills the desire of those who fear him; he also hears their cry and saves them. 20 The Lord preserves all who love him, but all the wicked he will destroy.

21 My mouth will speak the praise of the Lord, and let all flesh bless his holy name forever and ever.