Weeds are Weeds, until “ But God”

Lately quarantine has been doing so much for me, good and bad. Good because I’ve been spending so much time with parents, resetting and just being able to spend more time with God and connecting with people I haven’t talked to in months. The downside, well not downside, God has been breaking my heart for the unsaved people in my life but has been simultaneously revealing where my hope has been placed and what has been driving me.

Today my parents and I have been out in the garden and my job was picking the weeds from the plants. Now this automatically makes me think of the parable of the three soils and then God took it from there. Hopefully the logic makes sense. These parables are found throughout the gospel ( Matthew 13:1-23, Mark 4:1-20, Luke 8:1-15) all talking about the different kinds of soils or people that respond to the gospel. So, as I was there just digging up, there were different layers each bringing its own meaning as I was sitting there just plucking away. So there is the soil at the bottom, a layer of black covering, and then rocks. And then in between that were the plants and weeds. So the layer of the black covering has a purpose of kind of keeping the weeds down below the surface, kind of random but it makes sense. So why are weeds bad? Well, they take up nutrients and water that the plant needs to survive and sometimes it overcomes the plant itself and kills it. And this reminded me of sin. The dreadful sin that resides in each of us, yet sometimes we have this illusion that our plants are planted on solid ground ( the rocks). Yet there are some people who like to place this layer over the weeds to kind of hide it, that’s one response and the natural response to sin; we like to either run from it or hide it. But it’s okay, I do it to and you're not alone, Adam and Eve did it too with fig leaves (Gen 3: 7). And God absolutely hates sin, he abhors it. But because of Christ, He now has access to prune us and make us more like Himself ( John 15). God is the one that removes the weeds, in His grace, He allows us to see the weeds and kind of workout our faith. But sometimes, I deceive myself with my own knowledge, thinking I am the one who removes the weeds from my life. I’ll admit, I am a huge discipline person who really prides myself off being in the bible. And to be honest, I often am able to be “ sensitive” to what God is doing. I sometimes find myself though being a pharisee logically understanding God’s word and deceiving myself that I’m good. I read it, I understand the “root” of my heart issue, like I get my problem. Yet what I realize is that even seeing my sin and the weeds in my heart, they are still weeds. It just made me realize that unless God, the vine dresser, is the one who is pruning and doing the work, I deceive myself to think that I can do what only God can.

And this connects a lot into what I’ve realized as I was pulling these weeds. Something that has literally broken me has been the people in my lives that I am unsure are genuinely saved or not saved at all. I’ve been driven by fear and not by faith, very obviously. I can see this when I fear death and doubt God’s goodness and even his power to be greater than my heart or even theirs (1 John 3:20). So a lot of the times I am literally on my hands and knees crying out to God to change them, to break their wall of pride and lies that the enemy has and for me I didn’t realize this but I yearned so badly in my prayer for them to listen to a sermon, to read the word, and to pray. And on the surface these are all good things, these are godly things. Yes, they are. BUT, what I didn’t realize was my blindness has almost hindered me from understanding God’s heart. What am I saying?

This turmoil I’ve been facing has been approached with a fearful heart. A very fearful heart. It’s been seeing all the gifts God’s given me, moments of small restoration, getting to know them, etc. I view it in a way that is almost angry. I asked God why He gives me such precious moments if I am going to have to grieve them and lose them if they don’t be saved. I saw everything through a lens of what could be loss, versus what could be gained ( receiving life abundantly, knowing the God of the universe etc.) So I realized I even put godly things like their salvation and placed the motivation of my own loss versus their gain of God. But the second mistake I’ve realized is this, if someone were to ask me, if you saw God do x in these people’s lives, what would it be? And if I were to answer honestly, it would be… I would find peace if they read their bible, prayed, and went to church. Good things right? But little did I know that same sin of thinking I can do it my own without God is the same thing I placed my hope in. You see, I wasn’t placing my hope in these things as an avenue to get to God, but placed my hope in the avenues itself. Like I found rest that if they were doing these things, then we are okay.

But weeds are weeds until “ But God”. It’s a strange thing how God can not only grow my heart for the lost but also gently help me see that my hope has not been in His power alone, but in the avenues to get to him. These things are so important, but they are not ultimate. I think that’s why God has continued to bring two main themes as of lately 1) Love is patient and 2) Your strength is in the Lord, Blessed are those who trust in Him ( Psalm 84).

I’ll keep this one short, but God has been literally just kept bringing up that idea of being patient with those I am with and loving them through that, rather than being desperate and saying things that I think are right. I’ve done that and good Lord, it has done more damage than help. And this idea of my strength is in the Lord. And initially I was like, okay does that look like me turning into the Hulk when God strengthens me. Lol that would be cool, but I think the correct picture is the verse that follows our strength that is found in God is strongly tied to our trust in Him. It’s not about us being strong and courageous, but it’s about God being with us. It’s about who’s in the corner, not about us ( Deut 31:16). Which reminds me of this jars of clay passage( 2 Corinth 4:7-18), that it is the power of God that is within us, not us. So let me end with two verses,

” For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek ( Rom 1:16)

“among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved—” ( Eph 2:3-4).

It’s always “But God”. It is His power that gives us eyes to see, ears to hear, and hearts that believe. It is not me and that is something that has been so hard for me to grasp, but it is so clear. Not to say that the avenues I pray for should stop, nah.. it's not that, it's about understanding these aren't above God, but all about God. I know that even in my praying for them, God is doing something new in me. Funny how I thought I was going to change the ones in my life, but He ended up changing me. He has challenged me to place my trust in Him alone, not my wits, not my knowledge, not my actions, nothing but Christ alone.

Being desperate for souls isn't the same as being urgent for souls. Desperateness causes us to think we need to be the saving grace because all seems hopeless and at lost, urgency knows we have the opportunity to share while trusting God is the only one who can change hearts.-EO