What is Good Leadership?

This is the question that I have asked myself time and time again, especially as I have been wrestling and thinking about possibly taking on the events ministry coordinator position and heading the Harvest Festival.

For starts, big picture- I still don't know the answer. But there have been thoughts and I guess, aspects of learning about myself and God in this process as I begin to dig deeper.

The harvest festival was so fun. I can't wait to upload pictures, but it was such a big joy to witness the planning, the blood, sweat, and tears.. jk there wasn't too much of that, but there were definitely moments of weakness / stress (I'll explain later), that were worth it as I experienced the end result. And as I reflect, I can really only come to two conclusions: God is good and He is provider. I know this has (kinda) nothing to do with the question but I shall explain.

When I initially took on this position, it was pre-Chicago trip, with about 6 weeks to prepare and an all church retreat sprinkled in between. I have never planned a whole church event mostly on my own, but felt it could be a great way to get my feet wet in deciding to head the events team this upcoming year. And I guess as you can imagine, in the midst of planning there were a lot of google sheets, constant communication with everyone involved, phone calls to vendors, and approval of pastors and just a lot of logistics. Which really, I don't think is my forte, but it happened. But beyond the details of what made the event happened, I think God really showed up in unprecedented and surprising ways.

1. God showed me I am not good as I thought I would be:

   And this isn't a knock against how God views me or anything, but I will admit that I in my pride, I thought I could and would do better than some leaders I've seen. I always thought a strong and good christian leader doesn't lose sight of God, prayer, and loving others . And while I think that still stands true, in the past, I admit, I would judge people who would get caught up in the logistics and forget to pray.. low and behold, that was me. I thought I wouldn't get stressed, but that was me. I was everything I thought I wouldn't be.

   
   

   And God in his graciousness, showed me some ugly parts of myself that I knew were always there, but the pressure/ stress of the event oozed out of me- entitlement, dismissiveness, and ungratefulness towards others. It was one of those "in your face kind of moments". And I say this only to yes, confess my sins, but also to remember that I needed God way more than I thought I would. And people say that, but truly, I needed not just God in a general sense, but I really needed His forgiveness, His mercy, and His power to rely on Him and not myself; and even more so when I found myself in places or character that I didn't think I would be.

2. God's provision and goodness filled the gaps

   You know that say, raising a kid takes a village? I guess you could say making an event was like my kid and I needed a village in order to see it come to life. There were so many details to consider and honestly, more details than I ever considered which put me in a place to have to make a lot of decisions in the moment, especially during the event. And let me tell you, I am not great at making decision in general, especially ones that needed answers right away. (Also something I learned about myself, I tend to need people's approval in order to feel sure about a decision-which could be a good thing, but also, quite possibly be a people pleasing thing I want to pray though). Anyways, back to it. Thankfully, I had so many people who have led events before help me make decisions, people who I didn't even think of who stepped up when I needed help, and it was like WOW- how did all of this get accomplished? Praise God from whom all blessings flow- somehow, there were things I never would’ve considered in the planning but God already had it in mind. He provided for the gaps I didn't consider and filled up my weakness through the most random people in church. It was crazy and so cool to see!

3. Prayer

   And lastly, I think the joy and excitement and ability to stay present even in the midst of the function was all by prayer. Trust me, I know myself and that's not really in my character to operate in such a way. Whether it be my therapist, prayer team from church, friends I asked, etc. Literally, I felt so protected (especially after that intimidation and fear I had during one week-lol spiritual warfare at its finest) and felt so provided for. For instance, I had Friday and Monday technically off because no patients just so happened to not be scheduled which has allowed me to rest and reflect. And again, just the amount of people who came around me and prayed, I can only attribute my ability to stay sane and have peace during this whole process because of prayer. And I think the success of the event was because of prayer.

   
   

   So in conclusion, this had little to do what good leadership is- oops! But I think it's because I realized that, while there are definitely certain traits and qualities that may define a good leader, I've learned that "good leadership" comes by God's power, provision, and asking for help. And more importantly, learning to be led by God and asking people to cover me in prayer.

   
   

   I honesty thought that I would be a "servant leader" where I was serving everyone and I think there were times of that, but more often than not, it was learning to humbly ask for help from God and others, and even asking for forgiveness when I messed up and embracing the grace and neediness. At the end of it, again the harvest festival was fun- yes. But more so, the success of the event for me was not based on the outcome, but really answering two question: 1. Did I rely on prayer? and 2. How was my character through it all and did I ask for forgiveness from God and others when I made mistakes?